What using abbreviations can cost or save you

On Etiquette...

I don't claim to be an expert on the issues borthering around etiquette, but i have learned a few things that would definitely be of help.

The use of abbreviations in our day to day conversations has become quite alarming. Some call it 'short hand' and very many indulge in the use of strange and meaningless abbreviations like: wat, lyk, cumin, re, becum, tink, hv, hw, b4, btw, and so on. Truth is, popular as they may seem, not everyone understands them and not everyone takes kindly to the use of them.

Speaking from the Nigerian point of view: Initially, abbreviation was introduced as a means to reduce the number of pages our text consumed so as to reduce the cost we had to pay per page of SMS (that was when text messages cost about 7 to 10 naira per page) or so I think . I use 'we' because I was guilty of it for a long time.


Well today, text messages cost 4Naira per page but people still go ahead to make use of the 'short hand' (most of which are ambiguous). Funny thing is some of those who practice this, probably didn't even 'see' the era of 7Naira per text page. And now, even on social media where most of the platforms don't charge per page, it has become a bad habit that is difficult to break.

Fair enough, some people may have genuine reasons for making use of of abbreviations which could include wanting to save time, wanting to sound casual, wanting to sound sophisticated, etc. But, it is worthy of note that 'whatever is worth doing is worth doing well'. You may not be judged for making use of abbreviations in chatting with close pals. However, a habit could gradually evolve from the act and the consequences could span wide to include things like; loss of job opportunities, loss of favour generally, failure in exams, etc. 

Here are a few things that could help regulate your use of abbreviations:
1. Know that you are not speaking to yourself: When you make posts, its not for personal use but for the consumption of your audience and the purpose is communication which means that the other person must understand your message; he must be able to decode it appropriately else, the aim of your message would be defeated. Not everyone understands non-dictionary approved abbreviations. 

2. Understand that your audience is mixed: Especially on social media, you have a crowd more vast than you can know in most cases. Now, you don't exactly know who and who are on your page, neither can you tell their race, exact level of literacy, influence, nor their angle of perception. You do not want to start a war by passing the wrong message. It is therefore important that you use complete words (may not always be always be conventional, but it must be something that adequately passes your message across) so if some people still don't understand, it most likely means that your post was deliberately crafted to exempt them from gaining understanding. If you must communicate, make use of complete and correct texts.

3. Your image /brand is important: You only get to project what you want people to see. Fortunately and unfortunately, you wield that kind of power on the social media. You should note that the content of your posts gives people a subconscious perception of whom you are. If you are given to making use of unnecessary abbreviations, I personally think you come across as a not serious minded person and your content stands the risk of being taken lightly no matter how good it is. Present the type of image you want even the president to acknowledge if he happened to sneak up on your page. 

We Nigerian kids know better than to do a text message to dad using 'short hand'
Workers in the civil service and most private firms, know better than to write memos or send official messages using 'short hand'
What then is the big deal?

I'm not advocating pretence, I'm just advocating the need to do what is right not just what you like, as you like.

Frank notes from Fidel to you.
Lots of love.

What is the worst that could happen?

Lonely road; Part  3

Once upon a time, I was a naïve and gullible teenager. However, it didn’t stop me from getting into the university or growing up and mixing up with people (I guess it’s both the price and prize that comes along with living). I was worried because I knew how easily I could be swayed, more so because it was time to get into the university (the larger world, as they called it), constituted of a massive variety of human behaviors and character. I was so scared of the outcome of peer pressure on me, scared I would get mixed up in the wrong crowd, and at the same time, scared I’ll end up replicating my boring college life in the university. I was just living sacred, so for the first two years of my stay in school, I decided to mind my business. I was pretty much isolated, highly reserved (I even got an award for it) and extremely careful and picky about those I mixed with. 

At a point however, I realized that I was keeping the good crowd away as much as I was keeping the bad crowd away, I was being over protective of myself, and then, I knew it was time to take the huge leap. I didn’t know how, neither did I know what direction to leap in, but I knew I had to. 

• I was so scared of letting people in and getting committed to them in any way and I really didn’t know what to do about it so I just prayed and asked God for the right friends. Funny, but that was all I could do and I believe it helped a great deal.

 So now, I was mentally ready, and soon, I began to discover people I naturally connected with (sometimes, just because they were nice or because we had something in common). So I got rid of the fear of rejection and fear of being wrong, I decided to trust my instincts about these people in line with what I wanted for myself and what I saw in my future. So for the rest of the two years I stayed in school, I got more involved with people, I became more open, more receptive, more accommodating and more tolerant (now that can’t be easy, but in life, we have to be deliberate with just about anything). I can’t tell you that it was easy, because I bumped into a number of difficult people and bad company, I probably got hurt on a few occasions, but what I saw in my future always pulled me away from them right after I had learnt some more lessons to take with me on the journey through life. 

Then, there was the awesome number of those who turned out to be among the best things that ever happened to me in life. I got to make friends that I could trust, ones that I could count on and could count on me; they were those that shared the same values and sometimes, same visions with me. We didn’t always agree, sometimes we had bad quarrels but in the end, we became thicker together  because we found great company in each other on the road to the future we dreamed of. 

By the time I was graduating, I was so thankful for the quality of people I had in my life, most of which are still very prominent in my life and some of which would forever be. Either way, I could never regret my decision to take that huge leap. Besides, daring it has made me skilled in the art of figuring out the right crowd for me.

Note that I sometimes had to make the first move of friendship, at some other times, it just happened naturally and only a few times did people directly approach me for friendship. Now, among some of those I approached directly or indirectly, some snubbed me, some insulted me (mostly indirectly), and I felt really bad, but I couldn’t judge the whole bunch by one piece, so I kept trying. I would always ask myself; what is the worst that could happen? Answering that, makes it pretty clear what my next step should be.

Often times, we are kept back and held down by our fears so bad; we are deprived of so many awesome things. Rather than miss out on the good stuff in a bid to avoid the bad, it is better to be prepared to handle bad stuff when they come. You can do that by staying focused on your dream and putting to good use the few right people in your life. Everyone has someone at least.

You can’t stand it when people snub you? You can’t handle it when someone betrays you? You can’t afford to be judged? You can’t afford to make any mistakes? Then I’m sorry, but it means you can’t afford to make progress either. 
You will always need people as much as people would always need you so rather than stall for fear of whatever, just take that leap having in mind the picture of the future you dream of.  It’s alright to take the wrong turn but never alright to stay in it once you’ve realized. Life really doesn’t have to be a lonely road after all so in the words of Rachel Nolchin, I encourage you to “surround yourself with people that reflect who you want to be and how you want to feel, energies are contagious”.

Proverbs 13:20

By Fidelia Ben-Udi

Lonely Road? 2

Part 2

Hello friends, I trust you have been doing great since the last time. Well, if you haven’t, I’m sure you will after reading this, when you realize that you don’t have to walk that road alone. Like I promised in the previous post, this is a continuation of ‘Lonely Road’. 

A friend of mine (Matthew Adedoyin) made a striking statement in his write up just last week saying, “…though you can succeed without a mentor, good mentorship accelerates your success”.  I couldn’t agree more because a huge chunk of life is all about associations and those associations determine a great deal of the outcome of our lives. 
Will Rogers said, “A man only learns two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people”. The question is what is your association like? How healthy is it? 
Ordinarily, no one really walks a lonely road but the mind does play certain tricks on us that we willingly accept. So I concluded that the only way one can walk a lonely road through life is;

1. If they aren’t sincere
2. If they are sincere with the wrong people

Not being sincere in this context could mean denying ones need for others, isolating oneself from others for whatever reasons, etc.
Being sincere with the wrong people on the other hand could mean ‘I admit I need company but I get mixed up in the wrong crowd’. 
Now, why would a certain crowd be considered wrong for you? Because they do not point you in the direction you should be going or the one you really want to go in.

As it stands now, the world is filled with so many fake and dishonest people so getting involved with the right crowd is becoming increasingly difficult but thankfully, not impossible. 
Truth be told, it is a huge leap of trust when you decide to let someone into your life. However it is a mandatory leap for success in life. The question is, how do we make the calculations right so we don’t leap amiss? How can we tell that it’s time to take this leap and in what direction?

First, about making the calculations: Discovering who you are is vital. Hmm…did I hear you say that’s the hard part? Well I can relate with that line of thought, but there’s always a start point. For me, I figured out the things I was attracted to and interested in, how I perceived the world around me, the people that looked like what I may want to be, the people that were accessible, etc . So I tried to get close to them, make enquiries about the things I was attracted to … mind you, some of these things I did where not even for the proper reasons but they helped me for a start. 
Having an idea of you, gives you a pretty good idea of the people you should associate with. What is your picture of yourself and better still the self you foresee?

Note however that the picture of you may change over time but that is fine. Like they say, change is the only constant thing. So as your picture changes or evolves, be conscious about tactfully upgrading your association.

Proverbs 13:20

To be continued…  

By Fidelia Ben-Udi

Lonely road?

A child is born, all rejoice, singing and dancing
And at that moment, it feels like all these faces would always be here
It feels like the singing and dancing will never end
Soon the crowd disappears leaving me, mama and papa alone
At least I still have them, their warmth and care
But gradually, I begin to understand the ways of men
The paths of life
And suddenly, I am in confusion…
Here is mum and dad still, a few siblings and the crowd once in a while
But deep down, I feel alone, I know I am alone
Can no one understand me? 
Can no one relate with my inner struggles?
This is so overwhelming ...
I need to find my own way
I need to find answers somehow
I need someone who understands?
But is there really anyone?

COKE OR COKE- COLOURED DYE

OR  

I’m pretty sure a great number of people enjoy coke (coca-cola soft drink). Well, some time ago, coca-cola changed the shape of their bottle to something I find really attractive and I’m wondering…What if as a coke fan, you decide to have a coke to quench your thirst only to find that inside of that attractive bottle is a liquid coke-coloured dye, a far cry from the real thing, would you still go for it the next time you thirst for coke? Well maybe, but with a lot of caution. However, I’m sure you would prefer to drink the real coke poured out in a clean cup and forget about the one in the attractive bottle. The container and label are good but what quenches thirst is the content and thus is far more important.

Look what just passed you by

I’m so bored!                                     
Really? How so? 

It amazes me that of all there is to be done on the planet, some people are still bored!  I’m sick and tired of hearing that. Well I’m not about to crucify you, because that used to be me. Yeah, it happens to be a thing with most teenagers. As a teenager, I was so lazy, I’d rather be idle than do anything and when asked how my day was going, I’d say 'I’m so bored'. Ha! How ironic. 

Defining love *Part 3

If love was just about feelings, the most emotional persons would have the best of it.
 If it was about fame, the Hollywood and Nollywood celebrities would have the best part.
If it was about money, the Dangotes and Gates would buy it all up
If it was about words, orators would have all the love in the world,
If it was about beauty, the most beautiful girls would have the most loving husbands, and family members.
But no,